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An Open Letter to My Son

Picture of my eight-year-old son walking through a fountain with his brand new red hat. Picture was taken by me.

An open letter to my eight-year-old son,

As I observed you interact with complete strangers on our last little one-on-one trip, I was so proud to be your mother as I often am. I got to witness your kindness and care towards others.

You recently learned that the word “hello” in Spanish is “Hola” and you used it at every opportunity. You complimented others, “Hey I like your curly hair it looks so cool.” Or “I like your hat”.  Or “I hope you are having a good day.” Then you would loudly exclaim, “my mom just bought me this new hat, isn’t it cool!” And then you would point to your head.

Most would smile at you, acknowledge you, and thank you for your kindness. Some would engage in a small conversation with you. And then there were others who looked at you as though you had two heads and stared for a moment then would look away without acknowledgement. There were parents who, in that moment, taught their own children to treat others who are different with disrespect and meanness. But you didn’t notice them. Or at least you acted as though you didn’t notice and went on to the next person to shower with kindness.

I saw in my time with you what I often see, the giving, tender, soul you possess and the care you have for all people. You desperately want to love others and be loved by others. You have a passion and zeal for life. And you love to share that with anyone who engages with you.

My heart began to ache for you, because I know there may come a day that your heart will be crushed by those that do not understand the type of person you are. You might see that kid make fun of you. Or understand when that parent is being mean to you, instead of continuing to the next person to say hello to, or in this case, Hola to, oblivious to the look of contempt. I fear for the day that someone comes close to breaking your spirit and I cry because I know what that is like, and I do not want that for you.

You already struggle daily with anxiety. And it can sometimes overwhelm and debilitate you, but I see you battle it and overcome it so many times. Like just a few days ago we were touring the William A. Irving Museum and your fear of heights took over and we sat on the floor while you cried and fought a panic attack. And I sat with you and told you we would do it together when you were ready. And suddenly you stood and said, “I am ready now.” And we walked hand in hand through the rest of the tour. You are so brave my boy.

I am broken hearted as I watch your struggles, for they are often my own and it saddens me that you have gained this from me. I vow to always battle this with you. I vow to love you where you are, and I vow that you can always count on me even when I am struggling with my own battles.

The world that we live in is still so broken my dear son. There is so much hate and anger and an inability to accept the differences in one another. I so wish it were a different world that I was raising you in and will some day send you out in.

All I can do is prepare you to be able to handle the hurts. Prepare you to love unconditionally, be kind always, be open to change, be understanding of differences and accepting of them. But I also want to prepare you to love yourself unconditionally, be kind to yourself, be open to changes in your own life and be accepting and understanding of the differences around you.

Perhaps maybe we can be beacons for love, kindness, hope, peace, acceptance, and change.

We were talking at the table during one of our meals and you made the comment, “I’m so weird.” And at first, I wanted to deny it. But why does weird have to be a bad thing. You said it like it was a badge of honor and so it is. So, I said, “So am I buddy, but that is what makes you and I special.”

Embrace your weirdness, your uniqueness, your differences, because they are what make you, you!

Your path in life will be different then my path. But you will have some of the same challenges. There will be those that will make fun of you. Shun you. Turn their backs on you. Treat you as though you are nothing. These are hard things for most. But they will be especially hurtful for you because all you understand is love. You don’t understand the concept of treating someone as though they are less. Your tender heart is especially vulnerable, and you will struggle.

So, I will do my absolute best to help prepare you for this. I will teach you the things that I have learned. There will be those special people that will come into your life and will love all of who you are. Those will be your people. Those are the people you need to surround yourself with. And then you need to continue to shine a light of love, kindness, hope, acceptance, peace, and change. And maybe one day everyone will take their queue from you and say “Hola” to others and say, “I love your curly hair. Check out this awesome hat my mom (or insert other loved one) gave me.”

Remember, kindness is contagious. And always be you!

You are forever loved by me,

Mommy

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